Spanish Breakfast: December 2010

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

SEVILLANA DEL ADIÓS

Algo se muere en el alma, cuando un amigo se va...Something dies in the soul, when a friend leaves
cuando un amigo se va algo se muere en el alma...when a friend goes something dies in the soul
cuando un amigo se va algo se muere en el alma...when a friend goes something dies in the soul
cuando un amigo se va...when a friend leaves.

Cuando un amigo se va...When a friend leaves
y va dejando una huella que no se puede borrar...and leaves a mark that can not be erased
y va dejando una huella que no se puede borrar...and leaves a mark that can not be erased

No te vayas todavía no te vayas por favor no te vayas todavía...Do not go yet, do not go please do not leave yet
que hasta la guitarra mía llora cuando dice adiós...that even my guitar cries when you say goodbye.

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Un pañuelo de silencio a la hora de partir...A handkerchief of silence at the hour of departure
a la hora de partir un pañuelo de silencio...when from a handkerchief of silence
a la hora de partir un pañuelo de silencio...when from a handkerchief of silence
a la hora de partir...from when

A la hora de partir...When starting
porque hay palabras que hieren y no se deben decir...because there are words that hurt and should not be said

Porque hay palabras que hieren y no se deben decir...because there are words that hurt and should not be said

No te vayas todavía no te vayas por favor no te vayas todavía...Do not go yet, do not go please do not leave yet
que hasta la guitarra mía llora cuando dice adiós...that even my guitar cries when you saygoodbye.

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El barco se hace pequeño cuando se aleja en el mar...The boat is small when away at sea
cuando se aleja en el mar el barco se hace pequeño...when away at sea the ship becomes small
cuando se aleja en el mar el barco se hace pequeño...when away at sea the ship becomes small
cuando se aleja en el mar...when away at sea.

Cuando se aleja en el mar...When away at sea
y cuando se va perdiendo que grande es la soledad...and when it gets lost how big is the loneliness
y cuando se va perdiendo que grande es la soledad...and when it gets lost how big is the loneliness

No te vayas todavía no te vayas por favor no te vayas todavía...Do not go yet, do not go please do not leave yet
que hasta la guitarra mía llora cuando dice adiós...that even my guitar cries when you say goodbye.

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Ese vacío que deja el amigo que se va...That void left by friends that leave
el amigo que se va ese vacío que deja...that void is left by the friend that leaves
el amigo que se va ese vacío que deja...that void is left by the friend that leaves
el amigo que se va...the friend that goes.

El amigo que se va...The friend that goes
es como un pozo sin fondo que no se vuelve a llenar...is like a bottomless well that is not refilled
es como un pozo sin fondo que no se vuelve a llenar...is like a bottomless well that is not refilled

No te vayas todavía no te vayas por favor no te vayas todavía...Do not go yet, do not go please do not leave yet
que hasta la guitarra mía llora cuando dice adiós...that even my guitar cries when you say goodbye.

Love

So I came to Spain because I love flamenco and I wanted so badly to speak Spanish. I wanted to gain some authenticity and grow as a dancer - I wanted to grow as a person. And I did develop myself in those areas but I also grew in a totally different way than I expected to...my ability to love has grown. I mean I did actually fall in love with someone, in the romantic sense, but (and I know this sounds so corny) but ultimately...wait for it...my ability to love myself grew the most.

This is a hard one to express...

What I mean is I came to Spain to learn to speak & dance but in the end I learned how to take care of myself - how to love myself more. Yes, I fell in love with an actual person too (Josua is a peach!) but having a partner was just another tool, a mirror, to help me see myself better - to see where I had gaps in loving myself - to see where I needed to care more for myself...I didn't expect this at all! It's easy to love yourself when everything in your life is comfortable and your surrounded by family & friends supporting you. But, when you are totally out of your element & alone, you're able to put yourself to the test and really see what you're made of. Without the distraction of my family, my friends, and having a boyfriend who refused to let me dote on him, I spent some real quality alone-time with myself. And, honestly, it was scary. Jajaja! But I survived, and I learned a lot about myself. I learned how to push myself. I learned how to pick myself up when I fell, and felt down. I learned how to sit with myself and be ok with me.

For some reason I never expected this out of my adventure. I thought I was old enough that I'd already learned all of this. I mean I was mentally, physically & spiritually my healthiest before I left in January, so feeling lost was a huge shock to my system; feeling crippling insecurity was really huge. Back home I cherished the time that I spent with myself so the feeling of loneliness was really alien & new to me. But those were the moments that challenged me the most and revealed the most. And they were just moments, just feelings. I realize now that those feelings don't actually mean anything. I just need to wait for them to pass, or get up and go do something. Afterwards I asked myself how those feelings of doubt and sadness could have crept in. And that question lead me to a lot of soul searching. Of course I'm ok now but I'm not sure where I'm at. My return home after a year, leaving a boyfriend behind, and not really knowing whether I accomplished my goals sufficiently, leaves a person feeling like they're not sure of much...and that's where I'm at...not sure of anything but also not worried about it.

You know, the way I feel reminds me of an old Irene Carr song from the 80's movie 'Fame', remember this one? Although I suppose I'm singing it to myself.

Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am
Do I fit in.
Make believin' is hard alone,
Out here on my own

We're always provin' who we are
Always reachin' for the risin' star
To guide me far
And shine me home
Out here on my own

When I'm down and feelin' blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you

Until the morning sun appears
Making light of all my fears
I dry the tears
I've never shown
Out here on my own

When I'm down and feelin' blue
I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh, baby, be strong for me
Baby, belong to me
Help me through
Help me need you

Sometimes I wonder where I've been
Who I am
Do I fit in
I may not win
But I can't be thrown
Out here on my own
On my own

Today I'll leave Sevilla and tomorrow I will leave Spain.

See you all in a day or two.

Gracias por su visita

Look at all the visitors I had!

Mrs. T & Mr. T in February

Julie & XM in Jerez in Feb/March

BJ in March/April for Holy Week

Samantha in May

And Keith & Laura in May

Cynthia in June

Syna for all of August

Emily in September

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Teresa, Chusman & Alvaro in September at the same time as Emily

Alina & Olivia in October (why don't I have a photo of the 3 of us?!)

Verity in October

Fina & Amber in October (big month for visitors!)

My Mom & Dad in Valencia for one day in November!

Then Teresa & Chusman AGAIN in December!

And also I got Fina & Rafa one more time for one more day.

Monday, December 13, 2010

2 Special Places in Sevilla

Bar La Puerta del Sol

This is a bar run by two brothers - Jose & Edu on Calle Sol in the center.

Besides their bar, they also rent out the apartments above the bar - AND they have rehearsal studios too that you can rent by the hour. Also what makes this place special is that you can rent a room for a week, a month or a year. And if you live there you get first dibs on studio rental times - they fill up quickly. The brothers also hold a lot of flamenco shows at their bar - lot's of local talent. I want to start an open-mic night here in the future.

I lived here for the whole month of June and I really liked it. A few details: they only rent to woman & male visitors aren't permitted to sleep over, their mom lives on the top floor (she and I shared a floor - she's in her 70's), each floor shares a kitchen, bathroom & washing machine, and there is WiFi; it's safe, it's convenient and it's affordable. Next time I go to Sevilla for any significant amount of time I'm going to rent a place here for a few weeks until I find a permanent place to live. The brothers are friendly, trustworthy & very easy to work with; they made me feel welcome and they took good care of me. Here is their advertisement.

The Corral de Artesanos en Castellar

This is an artists' compound. I'm not sure what it once was but now it is a huge building with lots & lots of spaces & garages that have been turned into artists' studios.

There are painters, carpenters, dancers, musicians, massage therapists, and computer programmers occupying the spaces.

Some people rent the studios permanently and hold their classes out of them. I took with Concha Vargas, Juan de los Reyes & my cante class with Laura Román here - each in a different studio. Also many of the studios are available to rent by the hour, and some of them are huge, so they're perfect for large groups to rehearse in or to practice with your bata de cola or manton.

This place is so special. It's central to a lot of what's happening in Sevilla, and they hold shows there at least once a week. It's even fun to just wander through and see all the action. And recently they put in a bar and so now you can even enjoy a beer or copa while you visit. Two out of the three of the entrances don't have a sign up announcing it so it is easy to miss. And, once you realize what it is, it can seem sort of intimidating to enter but you must!

Lastly both of these places are great resources for flamenco people. Whenever someone needs to advertise their classes or workshop they always post their flyers with their info at both of these places.

My Spanish Breakfast

It's time for me to go home and one of the last things I want to mention is my appreciation for the Spanish breakfast.

I just kept trying different things and I finally found two that I enjoy so much!

Una tostada con mantequilla y miel (butter & honey on toast)

y una tostada con tomate (a tomato puree with olive oil on toast.)

I made BJ try both of them.

Super simple & super delicious.

BJ loved both of them and Verity & Syna love the pan con tomate. And eventually I started adding water or milk to my coffees and they last so much longer that way.

You know, one day I woke up and I was craving my tostadas. I even had trouble deciding which one to have each day. In reality, I discovered nothing - I just adjusted as time progressed. (Isn't that always the case?) It's not that I'm so spanish or anything now but thanks to the spanish breakfast I did reach a place internally where I found some comfort externally.

Thank you Spain! Thank you Sevilla!

I loved my spanish breakfasts.